I lost my cool again today. For the first time I managed to channel my anger to a single particular person whom I can sadly say is beyond any further persuasion or reasoning with. I was angry not because someone else was giving me problems. I was angry because he doesn't see this as a problem. He doesn't see that lying blatantly without any logical sense for justification is... well, just revealing. It tells me so much.
I'm supposed to be happy, because I just passed my BTT marginally to gain my ticket to the circuit yesterday. But I'm not feeling it. I mean, I did feel happy, albeit momentarily after the test when I found out I've passed. Now that I think back, it was actually quite a fluke. On top of that, I received a call from SMU for an interview next week. So yea, I should be happy.
Something has been on my mind the entire week, but I've only found the courage to take the first step tonight. Maybe I was scared, or maybe I'm just adamant. Right now, what I fear will happen has happened. I'm not desparate, but I at least deserve an answer. With or without, life still goes on. Give me a chance to say my piece and I will leave you alone. I know this has never been any decent sort of relationship, so I never even dreamed of it coming to fruition or anything. Believe me, I would want to make things clear, minimally. As if that wasn't already my intention all along.
The only thing that's keeping me sane now is the music in my ears. The world is in such a whirl I can't stop myself from losing my grip. Tell me, something purposeful I could do. Or better, show me.
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