It's cold here in Singapore tonight, even though we're practically experiencing summer all year round. It's the time of the year they call the "monsoon season". We get showers and cold weather almost everyday. And here in the comfort of my warm and snugly bed, I am thankful for what I'm able to enjoy. For those who are not as fortunate as I am, my heart goes out to you - anyone in this world who may feel a little too cold tonight; in body or in heart. Regardless where you are on this Christmas night, I genuinely wish you a Merry Christmas and all the best for your future endeavours.
I was never the religious sort of guy. I respect that some people have strong beliefs in their religion, but that is not me. Lately Christmas has become more of a festive celebration than of a religious kind of thing - and it's good. I love Christmas. I love the festival not because of any religious reason but solely because it's a season of giving, and people generally become nicer to others, even if they sometimes forget that they should be throughout the year. I believe that if we can receive, we can give. We need not be the most fortunate of people to give, I've noticed. What is most important is a heart that wants to give, and your actions will do the rest. The best things in life come free to us.
Perhaps I'm facing some sort of a quarter-life crisis. I think too much, experience too little, spend most of my time alone, and can't decide on what's important for me and what's not. Yet despite all these things, I don't feel lost. I feel like there's something cohesive in my life, but I can't figure out what it is. The dilemma has presented itself.
Am I asking for too much, or am I not asking enough?
Gone were the days where everything was planned out for me right before I plunge into it. I never had to make many particularly grave decisions for the past 20 years of my life. If security and stability were the characteristics of adolescence, I enjoyed the full show. Now I understand why some people never want to grow up. The responsibilities that ensue are far too overbearing. But to be a superhero, I must overcome this conundrum. Life itself is a puzzle, a riddle, and a roller-coaster ride altogether.
Next year's Christmas is going to be different. I know it's gonna be. It could be merrier or lonelier, but it's all up to me. Oh, and it's gonna be one of my firsts as a certified adult.
In warmth or in cold, in youth or in age, in wealth or in debt, in joy or in grief, in love or in solitude, in peace or at war, in comfort or in pain, have yourself a merry little Christmas - because everybody deserves to be remembered and celebrated.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Where is my Main Course?
It's supposedly the end of the world today, it seems.
Now that we've covered the obvious, let's move on with our lives.
It's my first weekend after starting work. I could get used to this, really, like how I'll set my alarm at 6 a.m. the next morning and then lie to myself and say, "Nah, it's not a day for running." And then I plop right back to sleep till 7. Yes, I woke up at 10 today.
Of the little things in life like being able to wake up late, having a wonderful breakfast, having the time to write this post, I ought to be grateful, and you should, too. Because apparently, we're not. We're one of the most unhappy people in the world; even more so ludicrous that we're ranked behind some less developed nations. Truly, we do have many things to be happy about, but why are we not?
On the taxi yesterday, 2 of my new colleagues and I agreed that the disparity in expectations has made us "grouchy", "ungrateful", and yea, "unhappy". Look at us - we're not war-torn, nor do we have natural disasters, and we certainly don't have dark alleys full of thugs carrying machine guns and going around terrorising kindergartens in the neighbourhood. Most of us have food on the table everyday. Almost everyone owns a mobile phone (and a majority of us including myself is holding a smart/android phone, mind you), and computers, internet connection, cars and high-rise buildings are prevalent. Then why the hell are we "unhappy"? Are we really having "first world problems"?
Why do I have to eat at the cafeteria that serves horrible lunch when I can get better food out there? Why is my 3G connection so weak? Why does this YouTube video take forever to load? Why don't they have hot water at this restaurant? Why do I have to wait so long to buy a flat? Why do I have so much homework? Why does this trip to Europe cost so much? Why doesn't the lift serve every floor? Why is there no air-con in this place? Why is my computer so slow?
While being an entirely obedient and mindless nation, where we never question the rationale behind the things we do, is not the ideal, we cannot be a nation that is whining at every single inconvenience that is present. We need to achieve an intricate balance such that even though we expect high standards of living for ourselves, we are grateful for the privileges in life that frankly only a few developed nations can enjoy. We only frustrate at how long the restaurant takes to serve us when we know that that is not the norm, and that they can do better. Expectations change our perspective and outlook on certain things in life, and that is okay. What is not okay is taking it out on the waiter/waitress by lashing at him/her, and then threaten to lodge a complain, or never to return to that particular restaurant ever again.
My point is, we are not unhappy. We are people who have seen standards, and naturally expect the same, if not more. If I went to a 5-star hotel I would expect what they promised to deliver. And if they don't, I'm won't be satisfied. If you call that being unhappy, then so be it.
Different living conditions call for different expectations. If you compare across the board with the living standards of say, Singapore, and that of nations with similar affluence, then it would be fair. If we're asked on how well the services at our hospitals are, to that in, say, Ethiopia, we would probably comment about how we have to wait so long for our turn, while those in Ethiopia who don't have the luxury of that to complain about, would accept that the presence of a hospital with modern state-of-the-art facilities is indeed a luxury to them. Naturally, an Ethiopian would think that free vaccination is a gift sent from above, while we expect it to be given to us. And that is how pampered we are. When we don't get that, we become "unhappy".
Yes, my fellow Singaporeans, let's learn to be appreciative of what we have. We can expect, but don't ask for the sky and get angry because it didn't go your way. Perhaps when we can be more understanding and grateful, we would be "happier" than our neighbours.
Now that we've covered the obvious, let's move on with our lives.
It's my first weekend after starting work. I could get used to this, really, like how I'll set my alarm at 6 a.m. the next morning and then lie to myself and say, "Nah, it's not a day for running." And then I plop right back to sleep till 7. Yes, I woke up at 10 today.
Of the little things in life like being able to wake up late, having a wonderful breakfast, having the time to write this post, I ought to be grateful, and you should, too. Because apparently, we're not. We're one of the most unhappy people in the world; even more so ludicrous that we're ranked behind some less developed nations. Truly, we do have many things to be happy about, but why are we not?
On the taxi yesterday, 2 of my new colleagues and I agreed that the disparity in expectations has made us "grouchy", "ungrateful", and yea, "unhappy". Look at us - we're not war-torn, nor do we have natural disasters, and we certainly don't have dark alleys full of thugs carrying machine guns and going around terrorising kindergartens in the neighbourhood. Most of us have food on the table everyday. Almost everyone owns a mobile phone (and a majority of us including myself is holding a smart/android phone, mind you), and computers, internet connection, cars and high-rise buildings are prevalent. Then why the hell are we "unhappy"? Are we really having "first world problems"?
Why do I have to eat at the cafeteria that serves horrible lunch when I can get better food out there? Why is my 3G connection so weak? Why does this YouTube video take forever to load? Why don't they have hot water at this restaurant? Why do I have to wait so long to buy a flat? Why do I have so much homework? Why does this trip to Europe cost so much? Why doesn't the lift serve every floor? Why is there no air-con in this place? Why is my computer so slow?
While being an entirely obedient and mindless nation, where we never question the rationale behind the things we do, is not the ideal, we cannot be a nation that is whining at every single inconvenience that is present. We need to achieve an intricate balance such that even though we expect high standards of living for ourselves, we are grateful for the privileges in life that frankly only a few developed nations can enjoy. We only frustrate at how long the restaurant takes to serve us when we know that that is not the norm, and that they can do better. Expectations change our perspective and outlook on certain things in life, and that is okay. What is not okay is taking it out on the waiter/waitress by lashing at him/her, and then threaten to lodge a complain, or never to return to that particular restaurant ever again.
My point is, we are not unhappy. We are people who have seen standards, and naturally expect the same, if not more. If I went to a 5-star hotel I would expect what they promised to deliver. And if they don't, I'm won't be satisfied. If you call that being unhappy, then so be it.
Different living conditions call for different expectations. If you compare across the board with the living standards of say, Singapore, and that of nations with similar affluence, then it would be fair. If we're asked on how well the services at our hospitals are, to that in, say, Ethiopia, we would probably comment about how we have to wait so long for our turn, while those in Ethiopia who don't have the luxury of that to complain about, would accept that the presence of a hospital with modern state-of-the-art facilities is indeed a luxury to them. Naturally, an Ethiopian would think that free vaccination is a gift sent from above, while we expect it to be given to us. And that is how pampered we are. When we don't get that, we become "unhappy".
Yes, my fellow Singaporeans, let's learn to be appreciative of what we have. We can expect, but don't ask for the sky and get angry because it didn't go your way. Perhaps when we can be more understanding and grateful, we would be "happier" than our neighbours.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Excited
I'll be adding another entry to the "list of firsts" tomorrow. It's my first proper job experience, and indubitably a milestone towards adulthood.
I know we've always faced expectations from ourselves and other people. As far as I am concerned, I believe that self-discipline is the only way a person can excel in life. Whether or not you succeed is independent of the expectations others have of you, but the ones you have for yourself. Nobody should tell you how well you should do. If you don't want to, I don't believe anyone can make you. External pressure can only make you more determined at best, but ultimately it is you who have to act out to achieve. That is why when we sometimes see people not achieving their potentials, we get exasperated. Nothing wrong with that - it's just, these people have to find their own way to shine, if they ever want to.
Oh, by the way, I am super excited for my first day at work tomorrow :)
I know we've always faced expectations from ourselves and other people. As far as I am concerned, I believe that self-discipline is the only way a person can excel in life. Whether or not you succeed is independent of the expectations others have of you, but the ones you have for yourself. Nobody should tell you how well you should do. If you don't want to, I don't believe anyone can make you. External pressure can only make you more determined at best, but ultimately it is you who have to act out to achieve. That is why when we sometimes see people not achieving their potentials, we get exasperated. Nothing wrong with that - it's just, these people have to find their own way to shine, if they ever want to.
Oh, by the way, I am super excited for my first day at work tomorrow :)
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
The Void
Some people may see me as more of a person on the "emo" side; which is perfectly fine with me. I don't deny that that I am emotional, think too much, feel more than the ordinary would, and probably partially depressing to be around. I can be crazily noisy but I'm mostly quiet and reserved. There are tons of things I've thought of saying to many people in my life but still don't have the courage to do so. And trust me, I'm not that depressed as to having such a bleak outlook to life that I slit myself and all that sort of shit. In fact, I'm not even near that.
While being perennially downcast can be seen as a psychological problem, being completely and obsessively happy should be considered one as well. Extremity in almost anything in life is potentially devastating. How can anyone be always either happy or sad? From a parallel perspective, this exhibits a devoid of emotion, so much so that there is no more capacity to feel otherwise. I am not trying to go all philosophical on you but in my most honest opinion, if you don't know everything about someone's life (which you never will, 'cos that would be creepy), don't judge them. I'm just saying.
But no, I'm not emo. I'm just a... feeler? (is there such a word?)
To prove it, I am OVER THE MOON that I got offered the position I interviewed for!! How's that?! Some happiness to throw in the faces of all you judgmental people. Ha.
Here's one advice - I know it's important to stay positive but there's a difference between positivity and forcing yourself to be happy. We are human beings, capable of feeling. We give, we take; we love, we hate. We can express whatever emotion we want, because our life would be an empty canvas without these various emotions to decorate it with. So go on, stop torturing yourself. You deserve better.
While being perennially downcast can be seen as a psychological problem, being completely and obsessively happy should be considered one as well. Extremity in almost anything in life is potentially devastating. How can anyone be always either happy or sad? From a parallel perspective, this exhibits a devoid of emotion, so much so that there is no more capacity to feel otherwise. I am not trying to go all philosophical on you but in my most honest opinion, if you don't know everything about someone's life (which you never will, 'cos that would be creepy), don't judge them. I'm just saying.
But no, I'm not emo. I'm just a... feeler? (is there such a word?)
To prove it, I am OVER THE MOON that I got offered the position I interviewed for!! How's that?! Some happiness to throw in the faces of all you judgmental people. Ha.
Here's one advice - I know it's important to stay positive but there's a difference between positivity and forcing yourself to be happy. We are human beings, capable of feeling. We give, we take; we love, we hate. We can express whatever emotion we want, because our life would be an empty canvas without these various emotions to decorate it with. So go on, stop torturing yourself. You deserve better.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Moving Right Along
Well, I guess this is it. Tomorrow is officially my last day in the military uniform (for now).
There are many reasons to celebrate everyday; some days you just have more, some days not so much. But I believe that if a person can find something to be happy and positive about everyday, the person is truly leading a grateful life. I'll admit I'm not there yet, but I hope to be this person one day.
Tomorrow is coincidentally one of those days with double happiness (I hope). It's my ORD, and also the day I will know if I get selected for a job I interviewed for. I sincerely hope that everything goes well for me. There is nothing happier than an occasion like this, and I consequently need to make sure that nothing brings down my spirits.
Throughout this 1 year 10 months, there has been good and tough times. I'm not sure if I can recount every single one of them. Probably just the more prominent ones, or the ones I choose to remember. I've also made so many new friends throughout this span of time, most of which whom I might never have thought would be. So I guess the experience of it all makes it pretty worthwhile. No doubt I've learned a huge ton from this organisation, but it's through the hard way. Things weren't always smooth-sailing; in fact, I'd say things were never smooth-sailing. We lived in a situation of constant remedy - at the edge. We would put out fires wherever they sprouted. It's tiring. Maybe I wasn't good enough, but as far as I'm concerned, I'll never let anyone else judge me. I am the way I am, and I won't change myself just because you think I should.
Just like most things in life, we come and go, we're created and expired. There's always an end to everything. Tomorrow marks the end of one chapter of my life - I'd like to call it a milestone. I'm happy not because it ended, I'm happy because it happened. I'm sad not because it ended, I'm sad because it doesn't feel like it ended right. But at this point of time, any sort of resistance or lingering is futile, and so is disappointment. I had my time, I had my way, I had my joy, and now it's time for change.
It still feels so surreal. It's like I'm at the end of a very good book, and I know it's going to end, so it means that I have to move on to something else. I'm not the kind of person who's receptive to change, but I will try to embrace it gracefully. If you ask me, and with my most earnest and honest heart, I'll tell you that I love my job. I won't lie about this. And I guess it's pretty apparent, judging from how hard I've tried to contribute. I just don't like the place, and sometimes the people. I love how I can help so many people, but I hate how these people are a mere fraction of those genuinely needy. I love to tell others that things are possible, but I hate how most of the times the decisions don't lie with me. I love to see people happy with the things they do like I am, but I hate to face the truth that despite conscientious efforts to effect change, an immovable object is after all, an immovable object. Or perhaps the object is movable; I just may not have the chance to hang around that long to witness it happen.
Probably as succinctly as I can put it: I found love in a hopeless place.
Nothing can hold me back now. The path ahead is clear, and the skies are bright. Another phase in life begins and awaits exploration. I just need the strength to do this all over again.
There are many reasons to celebrate everyday; some days you just have more, some days not so much. But I believe that if a person can find something to be happy and positive about everyday, the person is truly leading a grateful life. I'll admit I'm not there yet, but I hope to be this person one day.
Tomorrow is coincidentally one of those days with double happiness (I hope). It's my ORD, and also the day I will know if I get selected for a job I interviewed for. I sincerely hope that everything goes well for me. There is nothing happier than an occasion like this, and I consequently need to make sure that nothing brings down my spirits.
Throughout this 1 year 10 months, there has been good and tough times. I'm not sure if I can recount every single one of them. Probably just the more prominent ones, or the ones I choose to remember. I've also made so many new friends throughout this span of time, most of which whom I might never have thought would be. So I guess the experience of it all makes it pretty worthwhile. No doubt I've learned a huge ton from this organisation, but it's through the hard way. Things weren't always smooth-sailing; in fact, I'd say things were never smooth-sailing. We lived in a situation of constant remedy - at the edge. We would put out fires wherever they sprouted. It's tiring. Maybe I wasn't good enough, but as far as I'm concerned, I'll never let anyone else judge me. I am the way I am, and I won't change myself just because you think I should.
Just like most things in life, we come and go, we're created and expired. There's always an end to everything. Tomorrow marks the end of one chapter of my life - I'd like to call it a milestone. I'm happy not because it ended, I'm happy because it happened. I'm sad not because it ended, I'm sad because it doesn't feel like it ended right. But at this point of time, any sort of resistance or lingering is futile, and so is disappointment. I had my time, I had my way, I had my joy, and now it's time for change.
It still feels so surreal. It's like I'm at the end of a very good book, and I know it's going to end, so it means that I have to move on to something else. I'm not the kind of person who's receptive to change, but I will try to embrace it gracefully. If you ask me, and with my most earnest and honest heart, I'll tell you that I love my job. I won't lie about this. And I guess it's pretty apparent, judging from how hard I've tried to contribute. I just don't like the place, and sometimes the people. I love how I can help so many people, but I hate how these people are a mere fraction of those genuinely needy. I love to tell others that things are possible, but I hate how most of the times the decisions don't lie with me. I love to see people happy with the things they do like I am, but I hate to face the truth that despite conscientious efforts to effect change, an immovable object is after all, an immovable object. Or perhaps the object is movable; I just may not have the chance to hang around that long to witness it happen.
Probably as succinctly as I can put it: I found love in a hopeless place.
Nothing can hold me back now. The path ahead is clear, and the skies are bright. Another phase in life begins and awaits exploration. I just need the strength to do this all over again.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
Do You?
Nobody really wants to be alone.
Sure, sometimes we want to be left alone, to have some peace and quiet alone, to spend some "alone time", but for most parts, we fear loneliness.
Sure, sometimes we want to be left alone, to have some peace and quiet alone, to spend some "alone time", but for most parts, we fear loneliness.
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