Well, I guess this is it. Tomorrow is officially my last day in the military uniform (for now).
There are many reasons to celebrate everyday; some days you just have more, some days not so much. But I believe that if a person can find something to be happy and positive about everyday, the person is truly leading a grateful life. I'll admit I'm not there yet, but I hope to be this person one day.
Tomorrow is coincidentally one of those days with double happiness (I hope). It's my ORD, and also the day I will know if I get selected for a job I interviewed for. I sincerely hope that everything goes well for me. There is nothing happier than an occasion like this, and I consequently need to make sure that nothing brings down my spirits.
Throughout this 1 year 10 months, there has been good and tough times. I'm not sure if I can recount every single one of them. Probably just the more prominent ones, or the ones I choose to remember. I've also made so many new friends throughout this span of time, most of which whom I might never have thought would be. So I guess the experience of it all makes it pretty worthwhile. No doubt I've learned a huge ton from this organisation, but it's through the hard way. Things weren't always smooth-sailing; in fact, I'd say things were never smooth-sailing. We lived in a situation of constant remedy - at the edge. We would put out fires wherever they sprouted. It's tiring. Maybe I wasn't good enough, but as far as I'm concerned, I'll never let anyone else judge me. I am the way I am, and I won't change myself just because you think I should.
Just like most things in life, we come and go, we're created and expired. There's always an end to everything. Tomorrow marks the end of one chapter of my life - I'd like to call it a milestone. I'm happy not because it ended, I'm happy because it happened. I'm sad not because it ended, I'm sad because it doesn't feel like it ended right. But at this point of time, any sort of resistance or lingering is futile, and so is disappointment. I had my time, I had my way, I had my joy, and now it's time for change.
It still feels so surreal. It's like I'm at the end of a very good book, and I know it's going to end, so it means that I have to move on to something else. I'm not the kind of person who's receptive to change, but I will try to embrace it gracefully. If you ask me, and with my most earnest and honest heart, I'll tell you that I love my job. I won't lie about this. And I guess it's pretty apparent, judging from how hard I've tried to contribute. I just don't like the place, and sometimes the people. I love how I can help so many people, but I hate how these people are a mere fraction of those genuinely needy. I love to tell others that things are possible, but I hate how most of the times the decisions don't lie with me. I love to see people happy with the things they do like I am, but I hate to face the truth that despite conscientious efforts to effect change, an immovable object is after all, an immovable object. Or perhaps the object is movable; I just may not have the chance to hang around that long to witness it happen.
Probably as succinctly as I can put it: I found love in a hopeless place.
Nothing can hold me back now. The path ahead is clear, and the skies are bright. Another phase in life begins and awaits exploration. I just need the strength to do this all over again.
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