No doubt I'm a Top40 music kind of person. I like pop. I like the idea of current music, the ever-changing lists and rapidly replaced chart positions. You may call it "throw-away pop", but to me, every song is delightful in its way, even after a long long time - like the feeling you get when you hear "Love Story" on the radio again after all this time. The charts move, but the songs never get too old.
Lately I've heard some very mellow tunes on the radio - mostly from bands - and I must say they are very soothing to the soul. I've taken this long break to do a lot of soul-searching and self-discovery. I think we all need that time. Some alone time. I'm alone but I'm not lonely.
It has alarmed me actually, after this period of reflection, that so many people have outgrown each other. I realise how much people around me have outgrown me, in ways so fascinating that it becomes almost magical. Maybe I was too quick to judge their characters, or maybe circumstances evolve people. Either way, change is not always bad, albeit sometimes astounding. We all get used to things eventually, do we not? Ask yourself how much has changed over the years, especially your own character. While some things never change (and I am thankful for that), we are nonetheless continually compelled by our environment and other circumstances to change. It shocks me. It makes me think: "Why did I do that?"
But who is to define maturity or success? Who decides who has outgrown who? As to many other questions regarding life, the answer is often yourself.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Beautiful Soul
Fuck.
What do you think about that?
You'd probably think I'm some boorish, uncouth and downright vulgar Neanderthal that can't refrain myself from spilling profanities out of my mouth. But that's exactly how first impressions work. They plant an impression into your mind subconsciously so that a rough image of someone, or something, formulates in your mind and the rest is all up to your imagination. Kinda like inception, if you ask me; and trust me, you are more susceptible to it than you think you are.
We are all partners-in-crime in making stereotypical first impressions. We can't always be blamed though, because it's a matter of self-responsibility to make impressions, and we will accept what our minds tell us, based on what we see, hear, or feel. Of course, all these are subjected to crafty manipulation. Confused?
First impressions are always stereotypical. It's a fact. I'm sure we all try, but it's hard to resist the urge to judge. We have this intrinsic ability to take in what's before our eyes and twist it into a version of ours before making us believe that that mirage is indeed a true depiction. Think talent shows - shows like The X Factor. When we watch the auditions, do we not have preconceived ideas that the young and attractive people are more likely to succeed than the occasional Susan Boyle? Even the judges themselves almost always admit that "when you come on stage, I wasn't expecting that" when a seemingly less groomed individual takes the stage - a testimony to how first impressions are so quickly formed.
Then comes the portion employing the use of "crafty manipulation". It's the act of capitalising on the fact that first impressions are rapidly formed, to create a false impression of yourself, or anything, actually. You might not notice it, but it usually works two ways - overselling and underselling. Some people try very hard to impress, and it's pretty evident, while some just want to blend into the wallpaper, although for what reason, I'll never understand. Either way, I believe they usually have vested interests in the intended portrayal of character, hence, the manipulation of our way of thinking.
Well, the whole point of this is, I'm getting somewhat tired of shallow people, and they're just so many of them. "He/She's so hot", they would say, and it's as if that's everything that ever matters. If you don't spell it out explicitly, I might even think that today's society condones impropriety if you have the looks. Apparently, it's a prerogative. Attractive people often thrive anywhere they go, and naturally so, given their endowment. I respect the fact that people groom themselves to feel better about themselves, but the advantage becomes so unfair. Unattractive people like me almost have to work harder to get certain things. I guess that's just the way it works.
What do you think about that?
You'd probably think I'm some boorish, uncouth and downright vulgar Neanderthal that can't refrain myself from spilling profanities out of my mouth. But that's exactly how first impressions work. They plant an impression into your mind subconsciously so that a rough image of someone, or something, formulates in your mind and the rest is all up to your imagination. Kinda like inception, if you ask me; and trust me, you are more susceptible to it than you think you are.
We are all partners-in-crime in making stereotypical first impressions. We can't always be blamed though, because it's a matter of self-responsibility to make impressions, and we will accept what our minds tell us, based on what we see, hear, or feel. Of course, all these are subjected to crafty manipulation. Confused?
First impressions are always stereotypical. It's a fact. I'm sure we all try, but it's hard to resist the urge to judge. We have this intrinsic ability to take in what's before our eyes and twist it into a version of ours before making us believe that that mirage is indeed a true depiction. Think talent shows - shows like The X Factor. When we watch the auditions, do we not have preconceived ideas that the young and attractive people are more likely to succeed than the occasional Susan Boyle? Even the judges themselves almost always admit that "when you come on stage, I wasn't expecting that" when a seemingly less groomed individual takes the stage - a testimony to how first impressions are so quickly formed.
Then comes the portion employing the use of "crafty manipulation". It's the act of capitalising on the fact that first impressions are rapidly formed, to create a false impression of yourself, or anything, actually. You might not notice it, but it usually works two ways - overselling and underselling. Some people try very hard to impress, and it's pretty evident, while some just want to blend into the wallpaper, although for what reason, I'll never understand. Either way, I believe they usually have vested interests in the intended portrayal of character, hence, the manipulation of our way of thinking.
Well, the whole point of this is, I'm getting somewhat tired of shallow people, and they're just so many of them. "He/She's so hot", they would say, and it's as if that's everything that ever matters. If you don't spell it out explicitly, I might even think that today's society condones impropriety if you have the looks. Apparently, it's a prerogative. Attractive people often thrive anywhere they go, and naturally so, given their endowment. I respect the fact that people groom themselves to feel better about themselves, but the advantage becomes so unfair. Unattractive people like me almost have to work harder to get certain things. I guess that's just the way it works.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Stronger
I feel so defeated. For some unknown reason I feel zest-less, lazy, unaccomplished, unmotivated, lull and deflated lately. I've been sitting around do nothing, literally. I've thought about the oh-so-many things I would do, but never had the drive to do them. I promise myself so many things but never had the decency to complete them. I don't even know why I feel this way. Emptiness.
I wonder if this would be my life 10 years down the road - unaccomplished and lonely. Life was never a bed a roses, but I can't imagine a life with nothing at all. Nothing that I yearn, no dreams, no one to depend on, no one to talk to, nothing that interests me.
Adulthood is not something that can be taught. We learn this on our own. Sure, our parents might provide insights into life and values and stuff of that sort but how much of it are we gonna absorb? We are powerful individuals - we have our own thoughts, our own decisions, and definitely our own course of actions. I've never let anyone define the way I am, not because I'm rebellious, but because if I do I know I'm just turning into a caricature of an ideal person in someone's eyes. I don't wanna live for others. I wanna live for myself and make my own choices. And sadly, even that is too hard. Mistakes and misfortunes can change a person completely, destroying any sense of self-confidence one has. It's difficult. Either we deal with it, or let it bring us down. I'm gonna tell myself everyday that there is positivity all around. People do good, people do well, and there is nothing that can deject someone that much to make him/her wanna break.
Strength. A characteristic that's present in every superhero.
I wonder if this would be my life 10 years down the road - unaccomplished and lonely. Life was never a bed a roses, but I can't imagine a life with nothing at all. Nothing that I yearn, no dreams, no one to depend on, no one to talk to, nothing that interests me.
Adulthood is not something that can be taught. We learn this on our own. Sure, our parents might provide insights into life and values and stuff of that sort but how much of it are we gonna absorb? We are powerful individuals - we have our own thoughts, our own decisions, and definitely our own course of actions. I've never let anyone define the way I am, not because I'm rebellious, but because if I do I know I'm just turning into a caricature of an ideal person in someone's eyes. I don't wanna live for others. I wanna live for myself and make my own choices. And sadly, even that is too hard. Mistakes and misfortunes can change a person completely, destroying any sense of self-confidence one has. It's difficult. Either we deal with it, or let it bring us down. I'm gonna tell myself everyday that there is positivity all around. People do good, people do well, and there is nothing that can deject someone that much to make him/her wanna break.
Strength. A characteristic that's present in every superhero.
Friday, October 12, 2012
I'd Like to Thank You
I always ask myself: how much appreciation is enough appreciation, and how much gratitude is enough gratitude?
We all have times that we feel that the effort put into a certain task was not rewarded with enough gratitude; or to put simply, we feel unappreciated. Then what exactly justifies the effort, time, money, or whatever resources we've put into the task?
The amount to appreciation we expect varies across the groups of people in our life, and if I were to formulate it, I would say it's directly proportional to the amount of obligation we feel towards the person. Certainly I wouldn't expect that much gratitude from a family member than from a complete stranger, because we know for sure that as selfish humans, it takes a lot to want to help a person who has no relation to you whatsoever, and I mean those that are not even acquaintances - like the door-to-door pedlars, or the elderly selling tissue packets.
And we all say true passion drives a person to do things without expectation of any returns, not so much as more than a "Thank You". Even the slightest, most insignificant of gesture rendered to a person as assistance should be rewarded with that.
To be honest, I really do feel appreciated for the effort I put in. For those that cannot spare even that little gratitude to me, I can't be bothered with them anyway. It's just how the world works. Some people appreciate what you do, and some don't, but we don't go around blaming people, demanding gratitude, or harbour a grudge for some sort of indebtedness. We move on. And I will tell myself that everyday.
Sometimes all it takes is a little defamation to soil the reputation you take forever to build up. The feeling sucks, believe me. But I really feel so jaded that I don't want to care anymore. You know when people tell you "I don't give a fuck", and they genuinely mean it? No, I don't feel that way, but I feel like I'm inching towards that and I don't like where this is taking me.
It's time to reign back that feeling of being unappreciated.
We all have times that we feel that the effort put into a certain task was not rewarded with enough gratitude; or to put simply, we feel unappreciated. Then what exactly justifies the effort, time, money, or whatever resources we've put into the task?
The amount to appreciation we expect varies across the groups of people in our life, and if I were to formulate it, I would say it's directly proportional to the amount of obligation we feel towards the person. Certainly I wouldn't expect that much gratitude from a family member than from a complete stranger, because we know for sure that as selfish humans, it takes a lot to want to help a person who has no relation to you whatsoever, and I mean those that are not even acquaintances - like the door-to-door pedlars, or the elderly selling tissue packets.
And we all say true passion drives a person to do things without expectation of any returns, not so much as more than a "Thank You". Even the slightest, most insignificant of gesture rendered to a person as assistance should be rewarded with that.
To be honest, I really do feel appreciated for the effort I put in. For those that cannot spare even that little gratitude to me, I can't be bothered with them anyway. It's just how the world works. Some people appreciate what you do, and some don't, but we don't go around blaming people, demanding gratitude, or harbour a grudge for some sort of indebtedness. We move on. And I will tell myself that everyday.
Sometimes all it takes is a little defamation to soil the reputation you take forever to build up. The feeling sucks, believe me. But I really feel so jaded that I don't want to care anymore. You know when people tell you "I don't give a fuck", and they genuinely mean it? No, I don't feel that way, but I feel like I'm inching towards that and I don't like where this is taking me.
It's time to reign back that feeling of being unappreciated.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Hollow
Ironic, isn't it? We live so little now to live more in the future, but if we live more now, well, chances are there wouldn't be a lot for us to live in the future.
Perhaps it's all about perception. Whether in the present or in the future, we gotta make the commitment and stick to it. We all have our own lofty dreams; achievable or not, that's another issue altogether. Let's face it - overnight successes are far and few between. We can't expect that to happen to all of us. Like it or not, a large portion of the working population anywhere in the world are actually stuck in a job they would rather not have. But life goes on. The paramount importance of survival and sustenance is the pushing force for us all to work.
I refuse to believe that life is fair. It's not. It could be fair enough, but never fair. People will always complain no matter how much (or in this matter, "little") they have.
As I transform into an adult, I start to realise that there are so many things an adult should do that, to put bluntly, I don't. I don't wanna worry about bills; I don't wanna make important decisions that affect so many people; I don't wanna work so hard to fulfill so little.
This is an empty void, and my heart beats in it.
Perhaps it's all about perception. Whether in the present or in the future, we gotta make the commitment and stick to it. We all have our own lofty dreams; achievable or not, that's another issue altogether. Let's face it - overnight successes are far and few between. We can't expect that to happen to all of us. Like it or not, a large portion of the working population anywhere in the world are actually stuck in a job they would rather not have. But life goes on. The paramount importance of survival and sustenance is the pushing force for us all to work.
I refuse to believe that life is fair. It's not. It could be fair enough, but never fair. People will always complain no matter how much (or in this matter, "little") they have.
As I transform into an adult, I start to realise that there are so many things an adult should do that, to put bluntly, I don't. I don't wanna worry about bills; I don't wanna make important decisions that affect so many people; I don't wanna work so hard to fulfill so little.
This is an empty void, and my heart beats in it.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Habit
One entire week.
I took an entire week off from work, and I must say, it seems to have a therapeutic effect on the mind, body and soul. I feel like a load has been lifted off my shoulders, and the world seems to be less irritating for a moment.
I guess it's all about perspective, then. I've spent the week taking long walks, exercising, reading while sipping on delicious coffee, chilling out to music, shopping, watching TV (finally found the time ha) and most importantly, sleeping. I could get used to a life like that, but I don't want to. I know perfectly that this is merely a "vacation" that will end soon, and I will not insist on lingering too long on it. Sounds like a pretty boring week huh.
Nevertheless, I'm grateful for a hiatus from work and more work, and I almost can't believe it, but it's coming to an end. This journey is almost ending, which means another chapter of life is beginning. So many things to look forward to - the annoying back-to-study life, the adulthood, the meeting-new-people part, and of course, love.
Now, that - I could get used to.
I took an entire week off from work, and I must say, it seems to have a therapeutic effect on the mind, body and soul. I feel like a load has been lifted off my shoulders, and the world seems to be less irritating for a moment.
I guess it's all about perspective, then. I've spent the week taking long walks, exercising, reading while sipping on delicious coffee, chilling out to music, shopping, watching TV (finally found the time ha) and most importantly, sleeping. I could get used to a life like that, but I don't want to. I know perfectly that this is merely a "vacation" that will end soon, and I will not insist on lingering too long on it. Sounds like a pretty boring week huh.
Nevertheless, I'm grateful for a hiatus from work and more work, and I almost can't believe it, but it's coming to an end. This journey is almost ending, which means another chapter of life is beginning. So many things to look forward to - the annoying back-to-study life, the adulthood, the meeting-new-people part, and of course, love.
Now, that - I could get used to.
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