Taboo!

It is clear that there are certain topics that we never (or never dare to) express freely, for obvious reasons. Such are the sensitive issues regarding topics like race, religion, politics, and the death of other people. This brings me to my next point - give the girl a break.

Yes, you know which girl I'm talking about. Yes, the one who made the insensitive comment on Fb and ended up having to delete all her social media accounts as part of her punishment.

True enough, people generally don't mess around with issues concerning the death of another person. This is an extremely good example as to how people react to comments. To be fair, she probably made the comment in a casual manner, unintentional to release the wrath of the mass public on her. Maybe it came out a little insensitive, but honestly I feel that all the animosity and caustic remarks directed at her were uncalled for and unwarranted.

Imagine you had a question for a GP essay which questions the combat capabilities of Gen Y soldiers. Would you not have cited this incident as an example in which how some of us may be too accustomed to air-conditioned rooms? I may, but I will not have stated he is weak. I remember coming across this particular article during my BMT. It was on the bulletin at my Coy line.

http://technews.tmcnet.com/news/2010/10/15/5069590.htm

Take a look, and you will realise that this topic has already been discussed openly before, and even published. Is "soft" a gentler word than "weak"? Maybe. It's your call.

My point would be that this entire saga has been genuinely unfair to the girl who made the comment. I see people in service dedicating notes on Fb to the deceased soldier, justifying the seriousness and difficulty of our training and rebutting the insensitive comment at the same time. Some even go further to diss and insult the girl of her upbringing. Think carefully whether this is called for. Be fair - she didn't write an entire note on how this NSF was weak, how he probably was not tough enough for training, how Singaporean young men nowadays are less capable of defending the nation etc. I mean, if she did, then fair enough, she deserved it. But the fact is she didn't. She didn't deserve all the public lashing because of a comment. In fact, she invited and exposed all the negative behaviour of Singaporeans. I see people sharing the notes written by Officers in the SAF dedicated to this young man. The notes generally justified how tough our training is, and that young men of our generation have been put through the most sturdy of training to become men who will defend our nation. The notes, as usual, did not fail to mention how insensitive the girl was with her comment.

To be frank, I was disappointed.

Even the commanders have fallen into this trap. It was never our job to boast of our capabilities, or propagate the public condemnation of civilians. Ignorant they may be, but aren't they fellow Singaporeans we have sworn to defend? And as an affirmation and consolation, the fact that there was a public uproar about the whole incident signified that Singaporeans generally shared the same sentiment that the comment was nothing more than an unsound accusation made carelessly by an ignorant citizen. I think we should have left it there and moved on, instead of continuing to humiliate her constantly and incessantly. What good does it do to the image of the SAF anyway? It just made the organisation seem a little more petty.

So before we scream "Taboo!" and start unleashing all our discontentment on a commonly determined target, think about how we have failed to realise that all we are doing is channeling our hatred onto one person who may not even be deserving of such criticism.

Sensational News

Have we come to an age where scandalous news trump conventional ones? Well it definitely seems so, unless all the hype for the recent news is really just the norm.

Our headlines are filled with the internet prostitution scandal every day, and now, it seems like it's what everyone's talking about. There's definitely a lesson to take away from this entire saga, but I'm inclined to believe that the general public is more interested to know which famous person is involved in this scandalous affair. As typical Singaporeans, it is not far-fetched to say that we are likely to want to chip in to humiliate or diss the involved professionals, more than we are interested in the actual news and moral issues entangled in this episode.

Going behind all the facade of the scandal is a bigger moral question probing into the fundamental and important inquisition as to why the law protects the under-aged prostitute, or the female lead, if you prefer, of this episode. It's sending out a wrong message altogether - I can be a prostitute even if I'm under-aged, and I can still get away with it unscathed. Does the government advocate such practices? Or is it that they condone them? In any way it's still bad, shameful in fact. Also, underlying is the concern about whether our education professionals are morally upright. Sure, there are some black sheep here and there, but what is important is whether they have imparted and advocated the proper moral values and decent upbringings to our younger generation. As far as I believe, yes, our teachers and principals have been very professional in their jobs, but we cannot deny the fact that this is definitely detrimental to the reputation of educationists. Think about it. Isn't this more important than whose name goes into the list?

Reminiscence

And tonight I am reminded of you again.

Back then I remember begging you not to punish me for the wrong things I did, or blame me for the right things I didn't do. But you didn't listen; not because you wouldn't, but because we both know we couldn't forgive me if you did.

Rag to riches

Have you ever dreamed of being so rich you thought your entire house was made of gold?

Frankly, no, I haven't. I mentioned before (mostly to daniel, haha) that I'd rather live my life knowing that I have limits. Don't get me wrong - I do want to live a comfortable, sustainable life, in which I will never have to fret for every dollar I spend. But that shouldn't come so soon. That shouldn't come from inheritance. That shouldn't come from marrying a rich girl who would share her wealth with you. That should come from years of hard work and fighting. I want my life to be purposeful, and I want it to be filled with things that I would feel happy doing. I wouldn't want to live the early stages of my life knowing I can have everything I desire, or that I WILL have everything that I want. That will just bore life out.

In life, you can't have everything you want, and that's why we have dreams. Dreams that can be fulfilled, and dreams that are nothing more than a fantasy. And trust those who say money can't buy you happiness, because as much as people want to believe that it can, it doesn't. Happiness comes from doing things that you love doing most. Sure, money can provide an easier route to happiness, but it definitely does not provide the most fulfilling one.

Tomorrow is the start of my 2 weeks course - a form of escape, really. It's a break from my usual routine stuff. Sometimes in life we need such things as well. A vacation does exactly that, which is why I really want one. I hope these 2 weeks will be a peaceful one with minimal drama and casualties.

Just like how the cashier at the counter can return your $7 change in either (a) a $5 note and a $2 note, or (b) 3 $2 notes and a dollar coin, there are always different ways to which money can present itself to you. (Personally I prefer the former, since it makes my wallet lighter :p) Technically in both ways there's no difference, because ultimately you get the same amount, but to each his own, we all have different choices. Sometimes I wish everyone could just live a life where we have to think of every next dollar we spend, and realise the difficulty of it.

My deepest apologies

I have to start posting stuff here only when I'm sane. I'm beginning to realise the amount of nonsense and ramblings I've posted on here only after so long -.-

It's a lazy Saturday afternoon. I'm alone at home. The sky is dark and gloomy. I have nothing to do, well, except writing this. An ill-planned Saturday is some sort of luxury that I think I would never have been able enjoy if I stayed in. Speaking of which, I am super-duper enthusiastic about traveling after I ORD because then I need to start getting out of this cooped up city and find somewhere peaceful and serene to spend a little time in. Everybody deserves a vacation sometime after such a long, erm, commitment. Haha I wouldn't use the other word. It's time I do a little self-reflection because I'm starting to feel like everybody and everything is changing. And when you feel this way, you need to start reflecting on yourself because you are most likely the person who effected these changes, if not providing a spark for. In short, if everything around seems to change, you might be the biggest changer, even if you can't really feel it.

In fact, this time I'm pretty sure it's me that has changed so drastically. Thinking back, I didn't use to be this guy here who would pen all these sort of things down. I wasn't the sort that would actually like English songs. I wasn't really into working hard for things I wanted. I wasn't really outspoken. I guess certain qualities I had in the past still remained, but I've generally changed as I compare myself now to who I was, 5 years ago. I might even use the word "evolve". I'm not sure for the better or for the worse, though; because in life, people don't usually tell you directly in the face - "Hey, you've become more of an asshole since the last time I saw you!" or "I think you've become a more interesting person compared to the last time!". The reason is because such sentiments were never meant to be proclaimed aloud to you. As you grow older, the people around you have the basic sense of maturity and propriety to realise that there is no need for such direct remarks since they could be implicitly conveyed through their choice of continuing to hang out with you, or desert you for "better" friends. True that when we were younger it was probably more direct than anything could get - I once told a girl in my class that I hate the way she acts as if no one was better than her - but we're not kids anymore. Grown-ups don't say that sort of stuff. At least I don't.

So how do I know I've changed too much for comfort? Because looking back I see how much things that didn't matter suddenly mattered. I see how my friends who wanted the same things as me 5 years ago are still with the same bunch of us in the past, but I've broken off and now rarely even speak to them. Sure, I still wish them happy birthday on Fb and stuff, adding additional remarks such as "It's been so long since we last spoke! How are you doing?" behind those non-genuine birthday wishes, trying to seem as if I still care how their life goes after these 5 years. Come to think of it, it's so disgustingly shallow. It's phony. If I really cared I wouldn't have lost contact for 5 years. No, wait. I'm gonna make myself feel better. I refresh this guilt every year.

I cannot determine who I will be another 5 years down the road. Maybe I would have lost contact with the people who are around me right now. Probably those mere acquaintances. But I'm happy to say I at least have friends who I know will be sticking around for a very long time. I can't say the same for you, because I thought this could be something but apparently you seem to be nonchalant so I shan't dwell on it any further. Try to know me for who I am, my friends, because even I have no idea who I'm gonna turn out to be. Please forgive me, for being such a fickle and uncertain ally, and for giving you false hopes of a long-lasting friendship. I am truly, sincerely, genuinely sorry.

Sorting

Somehow this has become the new lingo - sort him out, sort yourself out, sort things out, sort it out with you. The word "sort" seems to be misused as another degrading term, and I could get a lot more used to it, since I definitely have tons of things I believe I have to sort out.

When the feeling of lethargy kicks in, it's almost the hardest thing to fight away. I can't describe how tired I am - mentally, physically (probably just weak), daily. How does it feel like when you're waking up everyday knowing that you're gonna sleep a little more?

One thing I've learnt is this - it's much safer to write stuff here because you don't have hundreds of people preying on your statuses and waiting to shut it out. Great place. I'm happy I've found a place for free expression.

Certain sentiments make me feel as if all my life I've been living someone's plan, been someone's pawn, wore someone's shoes, and tried someone's clothes. It doesn't fit, and neither do I. I don't belong in your league; somehow someway we just clicked.

Living my life for others in a jaded fashion,
trying to live up to every single expectation.
Who are you to say that there's no salvation
for a rebel like me who dares to be different?

Seems like too many expectations have drowned my capabilities. I only wish we could take one step at a time, but I'd rather run. I'd rather run now than to have to learn how to fly, 5 months down the road. And that's when you'll realise not everyone is born a natural pilot, or not everyone can really fly before learning how to run, or that if you try to fly with your wings tied up the crash is inevitable. Make grand plans, and make good ones, because we might need it in the near future. Brace yourselves - it's gonna be a thrilling ride all over again - except this time, your pilot has changed.

Time to go sort myself out.

Chill out

10, 20 years down the road I wonder if these ambiguous posts I write here will make any sense to me.

I'm doing this in camp again. I wonder why. Maybe boredom has kicked in, or maybe just because I'm feeling a little lonesome. Whatever it is, I favour this idea pretty much.

Today is the day I clear my long due sleep debts. I had a whopping 11 hours of rest for the night, and another 2 hours in the afternoon to make it a full-blown recovery. I never thought of it this way, but I'm starting to think sleep is the best thing to do if you're trying to pass time. And also watching movies. I had the luxury of time (and brain capacity) to watch 2 movies today - The Vow and New Year's Eve. Both movies are the sort that warms your heart, but I would say, none of them will leave an impact for long. But I thought generally, these 2 movies did well in entertaining me for the day, so I won't complain.

It's somehow intriguing how some people are really just passers-by in our lives. Right now, I'm still trying to figure out who are permanent, and who are temporary. I mean, will I hang out with anyone I knew from Army after I leave the organisation? Maybe, or maybe not. How well do I know them? I don't even have to ask myself that question twice to confirm my answer, so I guess it's all very clear to me - how I feel about them, how I think this is all gonna end and stuff. Well, this is part of life, isn't it? Saying goodbye to people whom were just there at the same place, at the same time with you; a common belonging that will last as long as what keeps us together lasts. In this case it's NS. So I guess, when it all ends for me, ALMOST all my "friendships" forged here will end too. I said almost. Just like the movies - entertaining, but not long-lasting. And when that happens, we just gotta be happy, at least, that they have made a certain stage of our lives a little more happening that it would have been without them. That is enough.

I have not been very obedient these few weeks. By that I mean I'm actually rejecting a whole lot of "in-my-head" messages to myself. Like when I tell myself not to sleep so late, I don't do it. I tell myself to go run in the morning, but I don't do it. I tell myself not to think about you, but I don't keep to that. I know how this is all supposed to be a matter of mental strength and resilience blah blah; I'm just weak, okay? I think it's time I start honouring my promises. But first, I need some motivation.

This is going to be a very blissful weekend, I foresee.

I feel cheated

I'm starting to accept a lot of things that I haven't been even trying to. Frankly speaking, these were what I never considered to be "right", or deemed as unacceptable. But slowly I'm turning around, to face these familiar yet unprecedented motives. Maybe you do have this power - a one of persuasion, or maybe it's because your good nature makes it hard to find something to complain about. Whatever it is, I will not resist anymore.

But resistance is one of the most redeeming qualities I value. I mean, what's anything without a little hustle? Give me a challenge. Lately I've been mulling over the imminent loss of this battle. There I was left unarmed, with my resistance brutally rejected. I went down without a good fight. No chance of retaliation, no chance of appeal. I guess this makes me all the more mad about the entire issue - because you don't understand the story behind the happenings, and you don't try to, not even when I attempt to explain it. Exerting your claim on someone who was initially out of your jurisdiction - not until I stepped in to resolve it otherwise - but blatantly ignorant to the major efforts I have invested to secure this outcome. No, this is not the outcome I expected. This shouldn't be the way it ends. Believe me if there was anything I was able to do to avert this I have already done them, but sometimes life, or you, are just being personal and unfair.

Try to feel how I feel, then you'll see my choice for/against resistance is justified.

I'm a joke.

On this fateful day everyone decides that it is a day for all their jokes and pranks and "just for laughs" gags, but they are mostly disturbing, if I have to say.

So pomelo and jiejie decided to pull one off on me, the latter getting all emotional and trying to convince me that she in fact has some feelings for the former. Well I was all ears and interested but once I start a movie I gotta finish it, so I continued watching it before I got to them. I'm sorry if that made me seem like an uncaring jerk/bastard but well, the show goes on - and there's no stopping haha xD

Anyways... I'm not going to go into detail about the prank, but I do appreciate the effort to put it together - as an entertainment, some random fun, impromptu joke - whatever it is. In fact, I should say thank you to the both of you, for making the day start so refreshingly disturbing, awkward mostly. No, seriously.

On a happier note, I got my PDL today! (last morning, technically) Which means, I am all set and ready to take my driving lessons which I will aim to complete very very quickly so that I can make myself feel more aldult-ish haha! And I came to a conclusion that it's things like these, small but potentially long-lasting, that makes me happy in spite of all the confusing negativity swirling in my head. I'm not happy, really. I have no particular reason to be, but finding tiny little pockets of joy has been my achievement these few weeks. I don't know why I'm not happy or generally distasteful of my environment. Maybe it's because I haven't found someone special in my life yet, which could really be the greatest reason, I believe. So please - I'm not gonna tell my kids in the future how I met their mother, and therefore you do not need to bring me through this thick shroud of smoke and confusion just to show me who "the one" is. Yea and if you're gonna do that, make sure everyone counts. I mean, leave an impression, because I don't want them to be just a passer-by in my life. Got it? Thank you, whoever is listening :)

And at this extremely unearthly hour, I am wide awake and brimming with zest. I am seriously messing around with my biological clock. I wonder if this is what happens in Uni o.O btw it's 2.55 a.m. now.

I posted this on my Fb status on Friday: Is this the season for leaving and goodbyes?
I have two reasons for saying so, one being the people around me who are leaving my life as time and distance continues to separate us, and the other being that I commiserate with those who have lost someone special in their life recently. It is so unnerving to know that life is so brittle and fragile. I've written a little piece that expresses my feelings, more or less.

Never thought life could be so ephemeral;

We’re short-lived in nature, at life’s disposal.

Every day I pray I outlive the world,

trying to go unnoticed, with my tread so subtle.

But in the end, who am I to say,

who should go, or who should stay?

Life is exciting because of uncertainty. The fact that it's unpredictable is probably the reason why many do not dare to venture. I gotta try something new before life bores me out. And it's definitely nights like these that you need some booze to treat everything as a joke. Let my unsound mind determine the truth of your claim. And I'm not even talking about your prank, you two. I'm talking about your reply.