Rat in the Cage

This week is such a torture.

I don’t know what you think of me, but I feel like a hamster running on the wheel inside this iron cage of lies and deceit. To think that you would believe me would be too naive. You stepped on my sandcastle when I was a few seashells away from an empire. I told you so. Maybe you thought I was lying; but please, don’t throw this away.

To be honest, this decision made known to me through your mouth came across as quite a shock to me. Either this person put on a bloody good act in front of you, or you're genuinely blind to his misdeeds. In any sense, I wouldn't have considered him in that manner - not today, not tomorrow, not forever. Well, at least not while I'm here. But then again, who am I to say this and dictate your actions?

Just today, I discovered a new ability of mine - to suppress an immense amount of anger, frustration, disappointment, and tiredness altogether. I swear, the intentions of scolding someone, fucking someone's Friday up, clenching and tearing, making unreasonable demands, rage quitting, all occurred to me in one afternoon. I was so close to tipping my limit, but I reigned myself back from the abyss of despair and decided that I do not want to do this. No, I'm not doing it; not because I don't have a reason to - trust me, I'm ready to tear down all your lies and misgivings. I'm not doing it because... the greater part of me believes, or, more accurately, has already succumbed to the fact that there is no more salvation to be done, and hence any effort to correct your attitude wouldn't really be a very efficient use of my time and energy. All I can hope is the 2 of them I fought so hard a battle for, will live up to my expectations and do me some justice. No not for me. For you.

And this brings me to my next point. Power, when fallen into the wrong hands, may become all too devastating. If I still have any credibility left, I DENY. I DENY AND VETO this decision. Sorry, I mean, if you do ask me I'll say no. What will happen when the governor of laws and legislation is himself a rampant offender? What does law and order mean then? Is it meant to be flouted? Can I just close one eye; two eyes, in fact? Sure I can. But does that appease or convince the masses? Will YOU, with all your wrongdoings, be able to make them believe that you were selected based on merit and not by experience? Experience can go fuck itself. This "recognition of abilities through length of service" thing has already been proven to be the worse form of any sort of recognition. Some people can sit around for ages and still not know what is going on. Good luck trying to convince me otherwise. You and I both know it's true. Maybe you can tell me it's too early to judge now, or you may say I'm being biased, but you can't erase the fact that he has done wrong, and that is already the first step to condemnation.

If I am tasked to combat crisis every two days then I might as well quit my job, because either you or I have failed terribly at what we do. Thankfully, rage quit is not an option, nor is it under my consideration. And someday, I hope you find a fit successor to manage this part for you. I close my case.