Test

Pouring out my heart to someone who understands makes me feel so much better. We may not be the best of the best but at least we know we are more than what they think we are.

I cannot begin to fathom the days that will follow my departure. Peace and tranquility, or chaos and disaster. Either way, it hardly seems like it should be of my concern at all. Then why, why am I so passionate about this? Why am I putting myself through this when I stand to gain nothing from it? Why am I held ransom to my own sense of pride and guilt?

A whole new level of discussion sent me into a flurry of thoughts, expounding the myriad of possibilities and psychological thinking that intrigue me every day. If there is a fire that can never be extinguished, then the world will always be in need of a fire extinguisher. Then again, why are we still dependent on the extinguisher when we know that it has failed its main objective? We want to think there's something or someone to fall back on when shit happens, and at times, we're too obsessed with that that we neglect the genuine need for such security. We abuse the provider of it. We don't really care if the fire extinguisher works, or whether it actually helps to put out the fire in any manner. We just want to know that something or someone claims to be able to put out the fire. We'll talk about it again if it doesn't work. Or, we could wait for a new invention that could stop the fire. Or we could also wait for the fire to burn out. Either way, we're not going to move our asses.

The most precarious situations and insidious relations threaten to undermine the most fundamental processes. Overwhelming affection, as I see it, dilutes even the faintest of authority - for friendliness is the trump card for failure - and prejudice and bias have proved to be the most lethal of weapons and deepest of influences. The sheer magnitude of trust I have in you can even erode any remaining objectivity in me. But I trust myself even more to make the right judgement, albeit with wrong intentions, since I can only invest in the uncertain. Alas, I am far more disappointed than you can imagine. Self-motivation is a virtue. So valuable a virtue. There can be no detour to this and I hope you can start realising that, because I like culture shocks and surprises, and I'll ensure the menace strikes with such force that life feels miserable. But I think you're right, daniel, that it might be nothing more than a slap on the wrist, with no real enlightening ramifications. If that happens, it's high time I gave up. Lost causes are of no value to me. Damn, I wish I could think like you - vicious, ruthless, and unscrupulous. I am not hardened by disappointment as of yet, but I dare predict I soon will. I never believed in enforced discipline.

It's all wrong; a misaligned series of events that ridicule the way of the universe. I promise to embark on this one last spur of revamp, but I will also succumb to the irreversible with no regrets should the grand plan fail.

One last leap, one last chance, one last hope.