Unfair

For what I thought would be a satisfying and carefree hiatus, it turned out to be a dreadful nightmare that haunts the shit out of me. It has only been 2 days. I am summoned after only 2 days.

When I was younger, I remember hearing this word - "unfair" - so many times. Imagine a cute little boy / girl exclaiming at the top of their voice, "Teacher! Unfair! Why he / she get first?" Sounds familiar? And then as life removed, or rather, eroded, all the innocence in you, you come to accept the sad fact that albeit much assurance that life is going to be fair, it is ultimately not. However, I wouldn't lay my finger down and say entirely that it is unfair. It's only a matter of perspective, really. I choose to believe that it's fair. Why? Because I want to believe for all the bad things that happened to me or anyone around me, there is a lot of good awaiting to be served to me on a shiny platter. In short, I'd like to believe that sugar, spice and everything nice (unicorns too) and life's unfairness and injustice cancel out naturally.

We will never have too much time for anything. Life is short, we all know that. As the most recent Glee episode enlightens me, if I was wasting all my time thinking about how to dish out payback for every wrong the world has done me, and spending all my life blaming myself for the mistakes I have made, I would only be standing in my own way, of my own purposeful future. That time could have been better spent on making someone else happy.

I promised myself never to be a quitter again like I was. In the past I would almost always quit at the slightest hint of my own incompetency. But as I grow older, I realise that no one has ever blamed me for taking my small baby steps to learn. No one has ever blamed me for being less than adequate. No one has ever said to me that I was a complete failure. Even if someone ever did intend to, I would have quit long before they tipped their threshold. So this time, I swear I will persevere to see the light at the end of the tunnel, bring up a crumbling castle, rebuild a decadence, and power through all the injustice and unfairness and solitary no matter how bleak it seems. I am not ready to give up and nobody can make me. One day I will thank the me who is writing this down because I have accomplished something meaningful in life.

They say, "Be the change you want to see". Pfft. Seriously, the world changes for one guy? With so much fervour in my heart, I sincerely hope that I will see the change I have been. But then again, I can almost hear the mockery, "Who do you think you are?" If you could be so kind, please show me a sign.