Swept

There are times when you are so certain about things, you would have thought nothing in the world can change your mind. Then suddenly, someone so much as shakes your indestructible faith, and it feels like your whole world is crumbling, rendering you vulnerable and making you hate yourself for it.

Some people have the power to persuade, to convince, to open you up and make you think twice about something you thought needed no argument. Maybe it's their persistence, or maybe it's your fickleness, but we all know deep down that it is a portion of yourself that you intentionally hid, either too ashamed or resistant to explore. You will always meet people who will urge you to accept their beliefs, regardless religion, way of life, outlook, or simply the admiration of someone, like a singer or an actor. In a furious desire to curb your hate for Justin Bieber, you might sometimes find yourself inadvertently tapping to the catchy tune of "Baby", and you instantly hate yourself for that. You think you hate fried food, because they are too damn oily and unhealthy, until you tasted the bliss of doughnuts, and you feel like you have sinned.

How do you make me feel this way? I never thought I would rediscover or explore this part of me that I have conveniently shut out. I thought I was done, and I thought I was over it. But a wave of emotions surged in me once again when I read those things, thinking of what could've been, and why it shouldn't have been. I thought about how I was ever gonna face it; to feel and experience someone in my heart forever but never physically by my side. And then I realised - it didn't hurt. There was nothing. I carried on with what I was doing. I lived my life as if it were an awkward TV episode where the producers overdid the plot and made it awry. It's not that I didn't care, but that I couldn't care, and will never be able to care. It's been so long, that my vision of a future has fogged up and become overcast with dark clouds.

There are times when you are so certain about things, you would have thought nothing in the world can change your mind. Then suddenly, you realise that you have been right all the while, and that matters of the heart are better left untouched.