Torn

I've never been good with words, but I've been living in denial thinking that I am. Maybe it's time to face the harsh truth and ease myself into it.

The people I know probably think I talk too much. I can go on and on incessantly and not get tired of it. Most people would be, but they've been too kind to admit. But it has come to my attention that if I were to talk, I want to make a point or make a change. Only then would I feel that a conversation has been purposeful.

How does it feel like to be misunderstood? Honestly, I would never have done it this way if not for the considerations I have. Because you don't understand that I'm trying to protect you, to shield you from harm, and also to toughen you, to make sure that independence and resourcefulness thrives in you. I would never want to hold your hand through this journey only to watch you fall when I let go of it. That was exactly what they did and see where that got them. Learn to take it in a good way. I'm not dissing the way of education they engaged themselves in; it just proves that independence is a far more difficult virtue to cultivate in one than you might think.

All these times I've been working too hard. Unnecessarily. And coming from that point of view, I've learned that nobody should be treated this way - overworked. It's bad for the mind and soul. That is why I've tried so hard to make you ignorant, in a good way, to make sure that you're not bullied into doing the things that you shouldn't be. I've been overworked because I chose to. I chose to involve myself in so many things just so I could prove myself. Silly eh? But I don't regret it. I know that I learned many valuable lessons throughout this journey and it was all worthwhile. So if you don't feel the same way, then don't. Accomplishment is not determined by how much you know, but by how much of that you know is put into action. Hate me if you must, but that is just my way of caring that you don't understand.

It pains me that I am grossly criticised for all my good efforts. I'm tired of explaining. But I don't recall trying to explain, either. Why should I? I don't owe you an explanation, because you will see it if it's meant to happen. Maybe you will. Just not today.