The Binge

I'm truly a pathetic creature. It is no longer appalling to me that I am a person of regrets. I would often walk about trying to seek for something fulfilling in the realms of the living but I am in fact a dead man walking. I am the epitome of the "you only know something something when you lose something something" philosophy. For umpteen times I let indulgence get the better of me and live more in the present than I would permit myself to think of the future. I have absolutely no intention to emulate James Dean (he's overrated anyway) because for someone as similarly confused about adolescence, I actually do think about my future, regardless how bleak it might be.

Part of me is excited for school to start soon; a matter in merely 2 weeks. Another part of me seems to be reluctant to forsake the abundance of time I have on my hands - enough to binge-watch 3 full TV series (that's 8 seasons for you right there). I also happen to be investing my time very liberally on a dozen of movies. Per week. Once in a while I still feel a little surreal about my situation. Considering the audacity and absurdity of throwing away a somewhat promising course of study that would apparently be "more secure" in terms of prospective employment, for something so volatile and unpredictable, I sometimes find myself in a bewilderment of my own life choices. But despite all my regrets, this is not one of them. I need no reassurance on something so charged and propelled by an inner dedication and passion. I just know; I won't be the conventional person that B&F will churn me out to be. I am ambitious, competitive, and emotive (I really don't think I'm at all intelligent haha), but to quote Amy in Suits: Money bores me. Somehow this is such a ludicrous notion to many, especially to a person educated in the "meritocratic" Singapore. I maintain that although nobody ever finds money excessive, there is always a certain amount that is a sweet balance between "counting pennies" and "filthy rich". I think I always have. I grew up counting pennies. I never experienced any semblance of financial freedom till I was about 17 years old. I rarely had the opportunity for exuberance. All these have not made me money-savvy; ironically, I tend to be rather imprudent when it comes to money. I think it's because my idea that "money should be just enough" has always made sure I wasn't short-changing myself within my means.