Wishes

I remember vividly that last Christmas, all I wanted was to find some meaning in life. I'm utterly grateful that I have found it not too long ago, though it has existed in my life for longer than I can remember. Funny thing is most of us would have wished for the same thing as I did, but nobody really admits it, fearing to be judged for being aimless in life. But I think it's important to find the closest thing to your heart, feel it, and let your heart decide if that is what you want. Once you've made up your mind, never let go of this thing or feeling.

It seems like the perfect weather today. The chilly atmosphere, cold breezes, perpetually ominous skylines and the silence in my room makes it perfect for this occasion. It just seems right to be plugged away in music and moody songs to make myself feel mellow. I wish there were more days like this - times where I just lose myself in songs that made me feel as if I've lived those words, and the mini-concerts I have in my small haven of solitude. It really is a sanctuary. I've been packing and tidying and shifting some stuff here and there to make some amendments to my room's layout, and I'm annoyed at myself for procrastinating this project. Well, if I really wanted to look for an excuse for myself I could say that I'm working...

There were times I thought it unfair and felt begrudged, that I've seen people my age enjoying themselves, having fun, and taking advice to live like this is the last student experience of our lifetimes (it's true). For me, it was never that. It was always work. There was a time when parents could support me because I had a minimalist lifestyle, but it is clearly not that situation now. I sometimes almost feel jealous that my peers can live without worrying about finances. I know now, though, that everything I'm going through will make me a stronger and more resilient person, and I never felt felt sorry for myself ever since.

New Year's Day is just round the corner, and I'd probably do a round up of 2013 events in my life then. I don't know yet if I would deem it a good year, but I guess we'll wait and see.

For this year I wish for my passion to keep burning, and for myself to achieve my long-term goal with laser-beam focus. I want to know that 10 years down the road I'll look back and say "that's where I started".

Merry Christmas everybody.