CLENCH

I remember mentioning awhile ago that I have found an innate ability to suppress an immense amount of anger, frustration, disappointment, and tiredness altogether. I am grateful for this ability, really; because sometime in the future, regardless near or distant, I might find it extremely useful. And yea, I shall call this superpower CLENCH, for the obvious reason.

Actually, I'm not all that easy to piss off, to begin with. People who know me long enough would know that. I'm not one who bears grudges, who seeks revenge, or who would get angry for little injustice that could probably be forgotten after a night's drink. That I would call petty. No, I'm not petty. But there are 2 things that I will declare as the only 2 that can really throw me off my usual balance of zen and a calmed state - 1) Getting accused for something I didn't do, or didn't even INTEND to do, and 2) Working with... hmm, I wouldn't call it working with. Basically, I can't tolerate people who are noncommittal to what they do. To put simply, produce fucked-up work.

Now you may think I'm being an asshole about these 2 things, but you can either agree with the following justification of mine, or you can treat them as babble:

1)  I'm not angry for being accused. I'm angry that you would even think that of me. I am furious, in fact, that you would assume me to be less than what you know I am, to go beneath myself and do things that I'll never, not now, not ever. You may blame me for certain things, and certain things I do agree that I've done wrong, but please don't blame me for things that even a 10 year old would have the decency or intelligence to do. It's just plain insulting.

2) As I've mentioned on my Fb status before, I will not expect more than what a person can best deliver. I absolutely loathe those who have every single common sense and capacity to do up good, quality work but don't. Oh, sorry, I meant CHOOSE NOT TO. If you can deliver a certain standard, and YOU AND I BOTH KNOW IT, I don't see why you can still find excuses not to perform up to standard.

And there you have it. This brings me to how I might find CLENCH useful. Sometimes I feel like I'm plagued with issues that call for CLENCH, or maybe some people are just testing the system to see how long I can CLENCH. For whatever reason, this is gonna get me far.

Because just today, I was forced to use CLENCH again. And when I do, I fall silent. Irritatingly, annoyingly silent. Some people can take this treatment, but some would just kill to have you talk to them again. I know you too well to know you belong to the latter, and I did it just to annoy you, to make you realise you should never force me to CLENCH again. But somehow I don't think you'll ever learn - I don't think this is the last time. I just know it. I know I shouldn't be angry; I'm not. So I guess I just have to CLENCH when it comes again.