I don't understand how this relationship works. Someone seriously needs to enlighten me how things can spin so out of control, when they are supposed to be locked down so securely at this point in time. I can literally feel my emotions swirling inside of me - a feeling I've come to accept as slightly ominous - and I feel like logic, sanity, and reality have all been taken over by an inner rage that was definitely not developed in any short period of time. Yes, apparently, I have anger management issues.
I live by a principle that perhaps most people don't agree with; and that's okay. I understand that I will never be able to please everyone in life. No doubt I will try, but I will not change who I am to accommodate you, and that's that. Conformity was never my strength, and never will be. If this somehow irritates or disturbs you on unbearable levels, I can only humbly apologise. My attitude towards excellence I will keep, and you can keep you own set of values.
We've all made mistakes. Perhaps I was too harsh, or I really do have anger management issues I refuse to admit to, but it didn't feel like an outburst. I meant every single word of it and I wouldn't retract them, even if given a second chance. Now that you see who I really am, I'm sorry to disappoint.
I am currently filled with utter disgust, although the aforementioned episode does not contribute entirely to this epic detest. I always thought that as long as we have a certain sense of logic and empathy, life can be made easier for everyone. I thought wrong. There are pretty insistent people out there who are one-track-minded, delusional to any explanation or attempts of logical persuasion. Instead, they hold true to their warped beliefs and ideals that frankly, serve no purposes and do no justice to absolutely anyone. I will present my case because I speak not only for myself, but for the people who have been so blatantly discredited because we are unconventional. I don't blame you for the prejudice; I always knew such sort of things existed, but to be a victim of it is a very sucky feeling, and I hope you can understand that. I swear I will fight to the ends of the earth to protect the most basic dignity of the victims, and I will not rest until you see my point. After that, if you still cannot accept my point of view, I will not insist on my ideals anymore. Such is not my style.
This month, ironically, has been rather eventful for me. I was hoping for something less melodramatic but I guess I'll have to take whatever comes - like how I've been dealing with all sorts of crap hurled at me all this time. It's good training.
On top of the unexpected saga, I am also pondering and contemplating on more civilian issues that press closer as I inch toward D-Day. Job applications, reapplication for Uni, thanks to my scumbag brain that can't seem to determine what I really want to do, management of my own finances, et cetera. I'd listen to my heart, but I can't seem to hear a thing. Don't ask me why I'm so indecisive. I can't fathom what I truly want as well.
However, amidst all this mess, there are still things that I am grateful for, like a rather high degree of freedom, and a relatively stress-free environment. I still appreciate the little moments in life where I can sip on my coffee and have nice long conversations with my friends. Such moments transcend all sorts of bullshit, and I am earnestly thankful for that.
Anyway, thanks for reading my crap.
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